


It is so Difficult to live without you, O my heart!

by Bossbaby2911



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bearded Steve Rogers, Civil War Fix-It, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Guilty Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Tony Stark, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Songfic, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers can sing, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28711173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bossbaby2911/pseuds/Bossbaby2911
Summary: The Civil-war has finally ended and the Rogues are back. Right before everything went to shit, Steve was about to tell Tony exactly how he felt. He missed his chance then but he will not miss his chance now.Nothing like a song to express the love he has felt for years.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	It is so Difficult to live without you, O my heart!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I am back with my third fic!
> 
> Absolutely loved writing this one. 
> 
> The song that Steve sings is in Hind/Urdu. Don't worry dear reader I have translated each and every line for you. It's just the fact that this song is so beautiful and apt to their story that I couldn't resist. 
> 
> Enjoy <3

“Captain! Will you be attending the Stark Charity Night?!”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Next.”

It had been three days since the rogue Avengers had come back to the American soil and to the compound and out of those 72 hours, Steve had spent at least 40 in press conferences. They were necessary yes, but that did not mean that Steve had to like them. Neither did it mean that he had to attend them with full concentration, which was anyways impossible for him.

His mind was preoccupied with the thoughts of a certain genius. It had been three days since he saw this certain genius and could not forget the look of complete and utter betrayal written all over his face. The worst part was that Steve knew he himself put that look there, he really couldn’t blame Tony. He was guilty and ready to apologize but Tony had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Steve.

It had been so good before Secretary Ross showed up on their door with the accords. Tony and him had been dancing around each other for a while and Steve had finally gathered courage to ask him out and tell him that he was head over heels in love with the genius. This is why he told Vision to let him know when Tony came to the compound. He had planned something special, with flowers, chocolates, candles and all that jazz. But that is when everything went to shit.

The following two years that he had spent hiding, were the most difficult years of his life and that is including the time he spent fighting in the war. Probably the difference between now and then was that back then he had no home that he had left behind and now it was the love of his life that he left had broken and beaten in the middle of nowhere.

He grew pensive and brooding, stopped taking care of himself. It was when he finally had the pardon letter in his hand that he had the courage to look in the mirror and he was shocked by his own reflection. He did not recognize the old bearded man with sad lines all over his face. The only good thing that he did see was hope in his own eyes. Hope of being welcomed back home and hope of reuniting with his love, the man who owned his heart and was not even aware of the very fact.

His hopes had risen as he saw Tony standing on the landing pad waiting for Steve’s Quin-jet to touch the ground. His foolish heart expected Tony to run into his arms but obviously the reality was like a slap in his face. Tony had merely offered a forced smile and a distant ‘welcome back’ and had run back to his lab, his fort, immediately afterwards.

Steve was broken, but his hope wasn’t and now he was determined to at least make Tony aware of how he had felt all along and a determined Steve Rogers was a very scary Steve Rogers. Bucky’s words not his.

This is why he wouldn’t miss the Stark Charity night for the world. It was his last chance.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Tony…” Pepper was really tired.

“Nothing you say is gonna convince me to attend the Charity Night. There is no way Pep. No way. Nuh uh.”

“A hello would have been nice sweetheart” Pepper knew there was no way that Tony was gonna miss a night so special to his mother just because he couldn’t control how he felt about Captain America.

“Pep I am telling you, he his gonna be there, with his baby blue eyes, stupid perfect hair and that lumberjack beard. He will look at me with his sincere eyebrows and I will fucking melt Pep. I would go fall straight into his arms and he will push me back, like he did last time and Pep I swear to God I will not survive it a second time.” Tony was breaking her heart with his pleading tone.

“Tony, sweety, last time you didn’t tell him how you felt. You both just got into a really bad fight that was worsened by the circumstances. I am not telling you to forgive him. I am just saying that you both deserve a second chance.”

“Pep I know. I want to forgive him, but after what has happened, he has to take the first step. I did my part by making the government pardon him and his rogues. If there is anything there, he has to be the first one to take a step ahead.”

“Well to see if he does, maybe you have meet him again… at the Charity Night.” Pepper knew she had Tony.

“Uh! I hate it when you are right!”

“Which is almost always.” Pepper smirked. “Now I have a company to run. Will that be all Mr. Stark?”

“That will be all, Ms. Potts.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the Charity Gala....

“Are you sure about this Steve? I didn’t even know you could sing.”

Well Steve really couldn’t blame Sam. He never told anybody on the team other than Tony. Tony loved his voice. Often at night, when Tony couldn’t sleep, he would very authoritatively and cutely demand that Steve sing him to sleep. It was one of his best memories before the so-called ‘Civil-War’.

“Sam I am surer about this than I was about joining the army. I spent two years going through hell because I couldn’t tell the man who has my heart about how I felt. Now even if Tony hates me, I can’t spend one more day without expressing how I feel and that my feelings are not dependent on his. I will love him no matter what and to be honest, I know Tony would never sit down with me and have a conversation about feelings. This is the only way.”

“Punk, you are so dramatic but I am loving every minute of it.” Said Bucky as he entered the room. “It is my duty, as your…what do they call it? Yes....wingman, that I tell you that I have got you a place on the performers list with my smooth talk and charm.”

“You mean you gave them a bribe.” Sam said with a smirk.

“Why do you always have to reign on my parade?” Bucky gave him a look.

“Okay kids” said Steve, “Make way for Dad.” Steve said with a smirk of his own. Their banter was helping him calm down.

“Well Dad I guess you should know that Mom just entered.” And Steve followed Sam’s line of sight. There. Right there was his heart walking around in a suit like he owned the place which technically he did. His Tony looked so beautiful in blue. His decision to express his feelings just became easier.

As if on que, their eyes met from across the room. It was like a spark, a fire burning through Steve’s body. Tony gave him a look which said so much but nothing at all really. This look made him forget that there was anyone else in the room. It was just him and his Tony. He couldn’t look away.

“Mr. Captain America sir, you are next up on stage.” He literally had to peel his eyes off Tony to look at who was calling him.

“The piano is ready as per your request. You have 3 minutes.”

This was his chance.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was the night his team was back. They were all together and they were celebrating. He should be happy but there was something gnawing at him as to how all this seemed incomplete. Incomplete without his Steve by his side. It is true they were never lovers, but they were best friends and that meant more.

As if God could hear what he thought, his eyes met Steve’s and the rest of the room faded away. _There is no reason for that man to look at me like that._

The spell was broken by some kid calling for the captain and Tony immediately knew he had to go back. He couldn’t take this any longer.

“Nat please be a dear and tell Pep that I actually showed up. I am sorry but something came.” He could always count on Nat.

“By something you mean Steve Rogers.” Or not. Nat was a traitor. She didn’t even pose it as a question. It was a statement.

“I am not commenting on that. I don’t have time. I have to go.”

“At least talk to him once Tones.” Barton too? Just when he thought that the ‘Civil-war’ was over.

“Talk to him about what Bird-Brain. I have nothing to say.”

“Come on Tony…”

“Come on what Barton!” Tony suddenly snapped. It was his breaking point. “Talk to him and tell him what?! That I can’t live without him?! That the two years that we spent fighting were the worst years of my life including the time I spent in Afghanistan, which is really saying something. Tell him that come Steve let me trust you again with my heart so that you can push me back once again and shatter it completely?! That is what you want me to tell him?”

“Tony….”

“No! Get away from me! I am getting the hell out of here.” Right as Tony was about to storm off, he heard the announcement of the next performer which made him stop dead in his track.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the next performer might come off as a surprise to you but we have none other than Captain America performing for us tonight!”

No fucking way. Steve never sang in front of anybody but him. What the hell was this about? Tony had to stay and find out. He looked questioningly at Clint and Natasha who were both clearly as confused as he was. They knew nothing about this.

The trio stood there and watched as Steve got on small stage that was set up for the performers and sat on the grand piano that was laid out.

“This is a very special song, for a very special someone. I have really hurt this special someone in the past and was never able to tell them how I feel about them. This is my lame attempt to convey how I feel because I do not deserve a conversation with them and I can no longer sit on my feelings. Here it goes…”

The lights were focused on the piano as Steve began singing. 

**tu safar mera, hai tu hi meri manzil  
tere bina guzara, ae dil hai mushkil  
tu mera khuda, tu hi duaa mein shaamil  
tere bina guzara, ae dil hai mushkil**

**(** you are my journey, you are my destination too,  
to live without you, O heart, is so difficult.  
you are my god, and you are in my prayers too,  
to live without you, O heart, is so difficult.)

Tony was shocked. He was beyond shocked. This couldn’t be happening. Tony didn’t know how to handle this. He was not ready.

**mujhe aazmaati hai teri kami  
meri har kami ko hai tu laazmi  
junoon hai mera, banoon main tere kaabil  
tere bina guzaara, ae dil hai mushkil**

**(** your absence tests me every day.  
you are the solution for every shortcoming that I have.  
[that is, every scarcity, every shortage in my life is fulfilled when you are there.]  
it's my passion that I become good enough for you,  
to live without you, O heart, is so difficult.)

**ye rooh bhi meri, ye jism bhi mera  
utna mera nahi, jitna hua tera  
tune diya hai jo, wo dard hi sahi  
tujhse mila hai to, inaam hai mera**

**(** this soul that is mine, and this body that is mine,  
both belong to you more than they belong to me.  
what you have given me, even though it's pain,  
it is a prized possession for me, since you were the one who gave it to me.)

**mera aasmaan DhoonDhe teri zameen  
meri har kami ko hai tu laazmi  
zameen pe na sahi, to aasmaan mein aa mil  
tere bina guzara, ae dil hai mushkil**

**(** my sky looks for your earth, (that is, I'm sky, looking for you, earth.)  
you can fulfil every shortcoming in my life.  
if not on this earth, at least come meet me in the sky,  
to live without you, O heart, is so difficult.)

Tony Couldn’t take it anymore. The only reason he was not on his knees crying his heart out was the fact that Natasha was literally holding him up. He had to do something. He had to get out. He turned and walked right out of the hall. He knew that the others would not stop him as they were too shocked to react too.

Steve saw exactly when Tony left. He had his eyes on him the whole time. He could see that Tony was crying but then he left. As much as that confused Steve, he knew he had to complete the song. Complete his thoughts, his one-sided conversation. He continued singing.

**maana ki teri maujoodgi se  
ye zindagani mehroom hai  
jeene ka koi dooja tareeka  
na mere dil ko maaloom hai**

**(** I get that this life of mine  
is bereft of your presence and will remain so,  
but I have no other option as my heart doesn't know  
any other way to live and I will never stop loving you.)

**tujhko main kitni shiddat se chaahoon  
chaahe to rehna tu bekhabar  
mohtaaz manzil ka to nahi hai  
ye ek tarfa mera safar…**

**(** I love you with so much intensity,  
if you want to remain unaware of it, so be it.  
this one-sided journey of mine,  
is not dependent on reaching its destination.)

Of course, Tony was not able to make it very far from the exit of the hall. He had collapsed on his knees right after a few steps and was still able to hear Steve’s sweet voice through the walls.

**safar khoobsurat hai manzil se bhi  
meri har kami ko hai tu laazmi…  
adhoora hoke bhi, hai ishq mera kaamil  
tere bina guzaara, ae dil hai mushkil**

(this journey is perhaps more beautiful than the destination,  
you are necessary to fulfil every scarcity in my life.  
Even though my love is incomplete, I feel complete (because of you)  
It's so difficult to live without you, O my heart.)

Steve did not realize that he had closed his eyes while singing. As he opened them, he was met with a chaos of clapping, bravos’, shocked and teary-eyed faces but no Tony. That’s it he was done. He got up from the stage and went back to the green room without meeting anyone’s eyes. He felt Natasha’s gaze on him from across the room but he was in no mood for conversation.

“Guys I’ll be walking home. Don’t wait up” that’s all he said to Sam and Buck as he walked past them as well, in a hurry to get to the exit.

“But Steve…” Sam tried.

“Let him go Sam. He’ll be fine.” That was Bucky. Uh… he can’t thank God enough for bringing his best friend back into his life.

Just as he made it to the exit of the venue through the empty halls, his path was blocked by none other than the love of his life.

“Will you stop this time or do I have to bring an army of superheroes again?”

“Tony…” it came out as a shocked whisper. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“Um Tony…hi”

What happened next, Steve could not have even hoped for it in the best of his dreams. Suddenly his arms were full of a sobbing Tony, kissing his face all over.

“You dramatic idiot! I love you so much…I always have. I just could never tell you before all the shit that happened.”

“Tony please stop crying sweetheart. It doesn’t matter. You are here with me now and that is more than I could ever ask.”

“You stop crying yourself.” Said Tony as he wipes Steve’s ‘single man-tear’ from his cheek.

“I love you so much.”

“I am still so mad at you for whatever happened. But I do love you and I am willing to try this. You just have to promise to try and communicate with me.” Was what Tony said in return.

“Tony I will never leave you again. That was the worst mistake I have ever made. I plan to stay and if that takes working on our communication skills, I am game.

This really was his last chance and then Tony was kissing him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Here is a link to the song of you want to give it a listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FURuLYrR_Q
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome ;)
> 
> Also dear reader...you are beautiful!


End file.
